broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
