Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
