we have officially lost it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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