I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
