I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
