my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
