Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
