dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
