I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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