My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
