Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
