HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
