My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
