Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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