just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
