The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
