well I can't set my house on fire every night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
