you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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