there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My dick has a subreddit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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