If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
