So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
