we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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