I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
