She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
