just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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