Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
