guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
