He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
