last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
