He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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