Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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