I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
