He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
