I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
