So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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