I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
