just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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