Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
