ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This house was built for laser tag.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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