Will you blow on my dice?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
