Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
