i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
