The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
