Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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