Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
