So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
