I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
