I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
