Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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