remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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